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The
One's You Love
Author: Richard Lowe, Jr., © 2001
Why is it that the
most pain in life seems to come from loved ones? That is an excellent
question, and I have pondered long and hard upon the answer.
Let me start at the beginning. My parents fought constantly. Not physical,
hitting type fights - these were worse. These were words, and believe
me words can hurt far more than physical actions.
I remember the long trips to grandmother's house on Christmas day.
The fights started the night before and lasted through the preparation,
the car trip, the visit and the long, long trip home. The same story
with Thanksgiving and Easter. Oh, how I grew to loath the holidays!
They were not fun, they were horrible experiences as two small children
(my sister and myself) were forced to watch two people who "loved"
each other rip everyone in sight to shreds.
The arguments were terrible, and by the time I reached high school
it seemed to be a daily occurrence. In an effort at self-preservation,
I introverted, until it was unusual for me to say a single word. In
fact, when I finally did move out when I was nineteen years old, years
would go by before I would say more than a few sentences in a day
to anyone at all.
Interestingly, I was not the target of most of that verbal abuse or
life may have turned out differently. Most of the screams, threats
and anger seemed to be directed by my parents at each other. My extreme
introversion worked to keep me from getting noticed and thus becoming
a target of their hostility.
I vividly remember the day when I was in Junior High School, when
I fell out of the treehouse. I was not hurt, just stunned. I didn't
cry (men don't cry), just laid there, kind of thinking. My cat (his
name was Big Mouth) came up to me and rubbed against me, as if to
say "are you okay?" in the way that only a beloved cat can do. I thought
at that instant, "this cat is the only being in the universe that
loves me." That's how difficult it was to take the constant arguments
that were going on around me.
I've worked very, very hard not to create this kind of environment
around me. I do not raise my voice to anyone, and I do not threaten
people needlessly. I am not a violent man by any means ... in fact,
I believe that well directed communication can solve just about any
problem in the universe.
However, I have spent most of my life avoiding any kind of close relationship
with anyone - because relationships hurt. I know that from experience.
My parents, after all, "loved" each other, and they ripped each other
to shreds. Thus, of what use is love?
It's taken decades, many long hours of counseling and the love of
a wonderful woman to get over these feelings. I also have the example
of my sister's relationship with her awesome husband to serve me as
I gaze upon my wife.
Now I have learned that not all relationships are like the one between
my parents. In fact, in a true, loving relationship there are not
huge, vast arguments which go on for days and days. Screaming matches,
if any, are far and few between, and the respect for each other is
so high that it will survive just about anything.
What life has been teaching me is that true love means respect, mutual
admiration and a tolerance for each other's viewpoints. It also means
a willingness to listen (something that more men should do with their
wives and girlfriends) and a willingness to compromise.
So the answer to the question is: the one's who truly love you don't
hurt you, and if they do they feel very, very bad about it. Thus,
if the one you love is hurting you, personally, I'd re-examine the
relationship.
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Richard Lowe Jr. is the webmaster of Internet Tips And Secrets. This
website includes over 1,000 free articles to improve your internet
profits, enjoyment and knowledge.
Web Site Address: http://www.internet-tips.net
Weekly newsletter: http://www.internet-tips.net/joinlist.htm
Daily Tips:internet-tips@GetResponse.com
Claudia Arevalo-Lowe is the webmistress of Internet Tips And Secrets
and Surviving Asthma. Visit her site at http://survivingasthma.com
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What
Do People Think Of Us?
Author: Robert Taylor, © 2001
How
much time do we spend concerned about what others think of us?
Me thinks too much!
If the truth be known, one could safely say others seldom think
of us at all. The vast majority of people spend most of their time
thinking about themselves.
Your first question is likely to be "How can this be true?" Give
this matter some thought and the conclusion is evident. How do we
spend most of our time? We are thinking thoughts like "How will
this affect my job?", "How will this affect my love life?", "How
will this affect my health?", "Why do I feel this way?", "How will
I be accepted?", and you can continue in this vein by injecting
your own thoughts.
Some of my thoughts in the short period of time it took to compose
this article were "How will this (my) article be accepted?", "What
will people think of what I have to say?" and "Does this really
make any sense?" All of these questions basically reflect back to
me.
So the next time you begin wondering what someone is thinking of
you, pause and reflect. Although it might strike a blow against
your self-esteem, the chances are that person isn't thinking about
you at all.
Use this for the eye-opener it is.
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Copyright (c) 2001, Robert Taylor
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