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Features from the Rhiannon3 eZine, March 15, 2004 edition:

Getting Control Over Your Life
By: Marta Kagan Career Coach, Business Coach, and Motivational Speaker


The only thing any one person truly has control over is his or her own thinking. And yet... most people expend vast amounts of energy attempting to control everything BUT their thoughts. They try to exert control over their lives by influencing or manipulating the people, situations, and objects in their environment; and they become frustrated and anxious when these efforts fail. Frustration and anxiety, in turn, compel them to try even harder to influence or manipulate; and the cycle perpetuates itself.

The late theologian and educator Henri J. Nouwen said about prayer, "As we are involved in unceasing thinking, so we are called to unceasing prayer."

What's ironic is that the cycle is easily broken by accepting one very simple truth. Control over your life begins with control over your thoughts; because your thoughts are the only thing over which you ever have complete control.

*Taking Responsibility*
It's a matter of taking responsibility. COMPLETE responsibility. For your actions, decisions, and ultimately - your thinking. And it may very well seem like the most difficult thing you ever attempt.

But responsibility is the core quality of a truly successful person. Successful people take both the credit and the blame for everything that happens to them. Remember - "You are the CEO of your own life." This means there is a direct relationship between your level of success, personally and professionally, and the amount of responsibility you are willing to accept for your life.

You must accept COMPLETE responsibility for who you are and what you do. You must accept the fact that whatever your life is (or is not) at this very moment is the direct result of the thoughts you think and the choices you make. Accept the fact that if you want things to change, YOU must change.

Stop looking outside of yourself for answers, quick-fixes, or scapegoats. Your parents did the best they could, and even if it wasn't "good enough," what you do with your life after leaving their nest is YOUR choice and YOUR responsibility. Accept it!

*Rabbit Hunting*
I think of white rabbits as the excuses we use to avoid accepting responsibility and committing to the things in life that we truly want. Universally popular white rabbits include, "I'm too old/too young," "I don't have enough money," "I can't do it because of my wife/husband/kids/parents/boss" and "I'm not ready yet".

Sound familiar?

Define your personal white rabbits. Acknowledge the excuses you consciously (and unconsciously) make for yourself. Go "rabbit hunting" and root out the source of self-sabotage before it robs you of even one more day of happiness and success. Sit down right now and make a list of all your favorite excuses for not making the changes you know are necessary to achieve your dreams in life. Then ask yourself this question: Has anyone else EVER succeeded in spite of this problem/limitation? If your answer is "yes" - if you can think of or intuitively sense that even ONE person somewhere, at some point in history has overcome the challenge you put on your list of white rabbits - then you know it's nothing more than that - an excuse. Eliminate it!

*The Bottom Line*
Let me share with you this simple equation:

Responsibility = Control = Freedom

A highly responsible person feels more in control, experiences more freedom, and ultimately, knows greater joy and success than a highly irresponsible person. After all, it's a lot of work coming up with excuses for your failures and trying to influence or manipulate factors outside of yourself!

Take the reigns of your life. Decide what you really want -- and go get it. Stop blaming the rest of the world for your frustration and dissatisfaction in life. Accept the fact that no one is coming to the rescue.

This is YOUR life. Live it ON PURPOSE.

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© 2003 Marta Z. Kagan ABOUT THE AUTHOR Career transition specialist Marta Kagan has helped countless professionals achieve more success, freedom, and balance in their work lives. To find out more about Marta's innovative career coaching services and sign up for FREE confidence-building tips like these, visit her website at http://www.lifelinecoaching.com.
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PRACTICAL STEPS TO ENCHANTMENT:
Improving Your Self Esteem
by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Often in our society, we are bombarded with the lives of celebrities. We can end up feeling that if we are not part of the rich and famous, our lives are insignificant. Our society also sends a message of competition and achievement. We watch sports, we always hear about profit and the bottom line being the dollar, we see large companies competing and constantly buying each other out.

The result often is that we are taught to see how well we are doing, in terms of how pretty we are, how bright we are, what kind of house we have, how well we do in sports, what rewards we receive. However, in reality, these are external measures. Each of us needs to develop a sense of self-worth, a capacity for positive self-regard that comes from within.

Here is an example: Sara was divorced and felt in many ways that she had shortchanged her two daughters, in the sense that they lived on very little money. She could shower few luxuries on them. At times, in her therapy, she talked to me about feeling that she was not much good at anything. Her husband had been abusive both physically and mentally, and had put her down almost constantly. Although she no longer lived with him, inside of herself she still carried feelings of worthlessness.

One day I asked her to review some of the best moments in her childhood. She said, "I always loved when Uncle Sam used to come over, and we all sang songs." I asked her if she did anything like that now, with her girls. She said that they often sang together in the car. In fact, she had taught them many of the songs that Uncle Sam had taught her. I asked her if she realized that she was offering her girls some of the wonderful family memories that were unique to her as a child. She said she hadn't thought about it, but it was certainly true. During months of therapy, we worked again and again in recognizing many valuable aspects of herself.

Needless to say, her self-esteem began to improve. Sara is an example for all of us, in the sense that each person has to document his or her own positive talents and strengths.

We have to learn to pat ourselves on the back. To help you, I suggest a self-pride list. During the coming week, write down at least one item a day that you can take pride in having handled well. For example, I was polite and kind to several people in the supermarket checkout line, even though I was tired. Or, I used my head, rather than my fist, and really shared with my son my concerns over his getting another traffic ticket.

At the end of the week, read over your self-pride list, giving yourself a mental hug, or the high five sign. This is the beginning of giving yourself more recognition, which will in time lead to an improved sense of self worth. It is only with this improved sense of self-esteem that you can have the confidence to make sure that your life is filled with enchantment.

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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com.
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