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Self-Esteem
part 1
By:
Robert Elias Najemy
© May, 2002
The
goal of improved self-esteem or feelings of self-worth requires
a methodical and dedicated process. We must first determine our
main obstacles towards accepting and loving ourselves just as we
are and towards feeling that we deserve a good, healthy and happy
life.
Below
you will find some possible obstacles.
In
which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth,
self-esteem or self-acceptance?
A.
Social programming - illusion
1.
When others criticize or reject you. (Belief: I am worthy and will
be loved only when others accept and love me.)
2.
When others are more able than you at certain tasks or more endowed
with certain qualities. (i.e. Intelligence, wealth, home, appearance,
artistic ability, speech, sports, cooking, professional success,
their children's success, being attractive to the opposite sex,
making friends, disciplines, "spiritual" activities.)
(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only I am better than others
are concerning _______)
a. How do you feel about self?
b. How do you feel towards them?
3.
When you have made a mistake. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved
only when I do not make mistakes)
4.
When you do not have the results you believe you should have after
some effort. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I
succeed/ when others recognize my success.)
5.
When others attract more attention, esteem and respect in a group
situation. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I am
more important that others to others)
6.
When you do not have someone who loves you exclusively, in ways
in which he or she does not love anyone else. (Belief: I am worthy
only when I have someone who loves me exclusively)
7.
When you are not perfect. (Perfect house, perfect appearance, or
never make mistakes)
8.
When you do not get many things done in one day (Belief: I am worthy
and will be loved only when I do and accomplish much)
9.
When you are not strong or when you show weakness. (Belief: I am
worthy and will be loved only when I am strong and show no weakness)
10.
When others:
a. Do not agree or
b. Are not satisfied with you (parents, spouse). (Belief: I am worthy
and will be loved only when others agree with me and are satisfied
with me.)
11.
When others ask you for help and you do not say "yes".
Or do not respond. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when
I say yes and will lose their love if I say no)
12.
When others have offered more to you than you have offered to them.
(Belief: He who gives is worthier than he who receives)
13.
When people do not trust you or confide in you. (Belief: I am worthy
and pure only if others trust me)
14.
When people lie to you or use you or laugh at you. (Belief: I am
worthy and will be loved only if I am respected and I lose my self-worth
when others do not behave properly to me.)
15.
When others are able to manipulate you or are not as conscientious
as you. (Belief: I lose my self worth when I work more than others
or when I work for them, without receiving back what I should.)
16.
Because you are born female in a culture which gives more importance
to males.
17.
Because your parents did not want a child and you felt that you
were a burden on them.
Other
_______________________________
B.
Matter of conscience -
***18.
When you have "created" pain for others. (Belief: I am
evil if I others have experienced pain through me.)
***19.
When you are not in harmony with your conscience. (Belief: I am
not a good person and not worthy of love when I do anything which
is not in harmony with my conscience.)
***
Other _______________________________
***
Note: These require a different process - Forgiving and loving does
not mean that we allow ourselves to do whatever we want, even it
is unjust or unethical. We need to recognize our inherent spiritual
nature, but at the same time seek to align ourselves with our highest
values and ethics this should be done steadfastly but also with
as much love and understanding towards ourselves as possible.
Removing
the Obstacle
Having
determined our impediments towards feeling self-esteem in certain
situations, we can then chose the first obstacle we want to work
with. Best to work with the one, which is most intense and bothersome.
It
is very likely that this work will bring us in touch with childhood
traumas or experiences which have programmed us in this way and
which will need to be transformed in our minds.
Having
chosen the first obstacle we want to work with we can move on towards
removing it.
A.
Analyzing what we believe which causes us to lose our self-esteem
and transform that belief.
B. Discovering our childhood experiences, which have conditioned
us to feel that way and transform our childhood interpretation
of those experiences. (For this we might find professional help
through regressions, rebirthing, EMDR, TFT and EFT.)
C. We can use positive affirmations, which will allow us to accept
and love ourselves as we are at this stage of our evolutionary
process.
D. We can keep a high level of energy by eating healthily, exercising
and / or dancing regularly, as well as by regular breathing exercises.
E. A realization of our inherent spiritual nature can help us
accept ourselves as we are at this stage of our evolutionary process.
F. Just as we accept some others with their weakness, we need
to understand and accept ourselves in the same way
G. We can correct the disturbed energy field, which is creating
these feelings. This is possible through new methods of "Energy
Psychology" based on Dr. Callahan's Thought Field Therapy.
(A simplified version can be found at http://www.emofree.com)
(Once you learn how to perform the technique you can learn to
employ it towards various goals at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp
Some
helpful Affirmations might be the following. You will notice that
the affirmations first seek to allow us to understand, accept and
love ourselves exactly as we are with our negative emotions and
then declare our choice to be free from them. We might need to work
with various aspects in order to get totally free.
In
the case of false social programming or false conclusions from childhood
or traumatic experiences, we can use these affirmations.
A. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______ (perhaps guilt, shame,
self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when
(because) _____ (reason), I deeply and profoundly love myself.
B.
I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it
is in my benefit) to be free from this (emotion) ______.
Matters
of Conscience
In
the case of matters of conscience we will first want to employ the
upper affirmations in order to accept and love ourselves as souls
in an evolutionary process exactly as we are, even with our mistakes
and egoism.
Then,
however, we will want also to discover the emotions, needs and beliefs
which have caused us to behave in ways which we would prefer not
to and would not like other to do to us.
Once
we discover which fears or pain are causing us to act in these ways,
then we can employ the same above mention methods to get free from
them.
A. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______ (perhaps fear, anger,
guilt, pain, injustice, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy,
belittled, demeaned) when / because _____ (reason), I deeply and
profoundly love myself.
B.
I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it
is in my benefit) to be free from this (emotion) ______.
One
By One
In
this way we can remove all obstacles towards self-esteem one by
one as we begin to gradually notice that we are not as vulnerable
as before. We accept ourselves more. We do not feel hurt and do
not misinterpret others so easily. We speak more honestly expressing
our needs and feelings. We love more easily and steadily. We are
more comfortable with ourselves and others.
In
part 2, you will find some useful affirmations concerning self-worth.
******************************************************
Robert Elias Najemy, Copyright © May, 2002 is the author of
over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20
books, which have sold over 100,000 copies. Founder the Center for
Harmonious Living with 3700 members. His book The Psychology of
Happiness is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20
and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html.
You can download FREE articles and e-books from http://www.HolisticHarmony.com
where you can also receive guidance.
******************************************************
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