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The
Soul Mate Debate
By:
Rinatta Paries © 1998-2002
Are you looking
or waiting for your soul mate? Many singles spend a lot of energy
and time waiting and searching for their soul mate. But are soul
mates found or created?
The notion of
soul mates stems from the concepts of reincarnation and karma. Soul
mates are defined as two souls reincarnating alongside each other
over and over again, playing different roles to each other, such
as lovers, adversaries, parent and child, victim and murderer, coworkers,
etc. Some will argue soul mates were separated at the beginning
of time, and so in each lifetime they seek to reunite in some way.
If you were to
find your soul mate, the theory is you would be able to instantly
recognize him or her. You would feel connected, at home, recognized,
valued, loved again, instantly. The two of you will reconnect, fall
in love all over again and live happily ever after.
Unfortunately,
this is not quite how the soul mate thing works. Here are some sobering
thoughts about the notion of soul mates:
* Each of us
could have an unlimited number of soul mates. We have many close
relationships in a lifetime, so who is to say any one or all of
them could be our soul mates?
* Intimate relationships
with soul mates are less likely to work out. That's because if someone
is truly your soul mate, you have been around the block with each
other too many times in too many different ways. Along with intense
passion for each other, you will also feel intense anger and resentment.
* If you instantly
recognize or feel connected to someone, does that automatically
mean he or she is your soul mate? It could be that this person simply
has very similar childhood family patterns or adult dating patterns
as you do, allowing you to feel instantly at home.
* If you immediately
recognize someone who was a lover in one past life and an adversary
in another, how likely is an intimate relationship between the two
of you to work out?
* The idea that
soul mates will find and instantly recognize each other presumes
past life memories are at the surface and can be tapped into at
any time. Do you remember your past lives, especially if you do
not believe in past lives and reincarnation?
Because of the
points above, I think those who say they are looking or waiting
for their soul mate really mean they are looking or waiting for
someone with whom love, relationship, and intimacy will happen instantly.
Unfortunately, as I said, this very rarely has a happy ending. Relationships
are not about instant gratification and instantly knowing whether
you are "meant to be" with someone.
A healthier,
more realistic, and more successful notion is one where you and
your partner grow to become "soul mates." In other words,
you grow to be in love with one another, to know each other intimately,
to cherish and support each other, to share closeness unequal to
other relationships. And this can only happen with time.
How do you grow
into "soul mates?" Here are some ideas:
* When meeting
potential partners, do not look for an instant feeling of recognition
or a strong connection. Instead look for a subtle attraction and
a subtle connection.
* While dating,
take time to become good friends and get to know each other. Do
not assume you know the person you are dating before you have been
with him or her for at least 6 months.
* Emphasize excellent
communication right from the beginning. Establish a standard of
communication both of you are comfortable with, and hold each other
to that standard.
* Accept each
other for who you are. Neither of you will be exactly like the other,
nor will you do things in exactly the same ways.
* Accept and
appreciate each other's shortcomings even as you accept and appreciate
each other's good qualities. No one is perfect - not even your soul
mate.
Your Relationship
Coach, Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com
******************************************************
Rinatta Paries © 1998-2002
Do
you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build
a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your
needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills
and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships.
Visit www.WhatItTakes.com
where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine.
Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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