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Grow
a Successful Child
�
2003 by Colleen
Langenfeld
As parents,
we all want to grow happy, healthy children. Unfortunately, parenting
does not come with a guarantee, but there are some practical guidelines
we can follow that will point our children in the right direction.
Here are the suggestions our family has used in our continuing goal
of raising six confident, competent adults (four children and two
parents!).
We're in this for the long haul
As a parent, we are given a long-time perspective just by giving
birth. The future stretches out l-o-n-g and fearful in front of
us. But kids have no such perspective. Teaching them about cause
and effect, in other words, consequences, can help them understand
that their thoughts, words and actions, big and small, have meaning
and future impact.
We're in this together
Children are astonishingly selfish, but often not intentionally
so. It's just the human condition. Part of parenting is to provide
them with opportunities to be around others who are different than
they are. Encouraging them (and participating with them) to help
others will show them that we all must get along with each other
and it's not necessary for us all to be the same. The ability to
make and maintain friendships is not just fun, it's vital.
Stability
Everyone needs stability...not to be confused with a rut! Stability
means you can generally count on the people and situations around
you, while understanding that life doesn't hand out guarantees.
Stability usually comes from the parents, who can only provide as
much stability as they currently have themselves. In other words,
if your marriage is on shaky ground, it's going to be very difficult
to provide the stability your children need. That is why it's often
said that the best thing a man can do for his kids is to love their
mother. And vice versa.
Life is hard
This is a fact and our children need to hear it from us first. However,
it's a difficult fact and if we as adults are struggling with this
reality, we're going to find it impossible to share it with our
kids. The funny thing is, though, that children can often receive
difficult facts easier than we can. All of our children are bright
and observant in their own ways, so the truth is that they already
know a lot about how life works; they just need help articulating
and integrating it. That's where we come in as parents. Provide
your children with fascinating stories of inspiring people who have
overcome great obstacles and made a difference in our world. After
all, it's easy to FEEL life is bad; the challenge is to DECIDE that
life is good!
Control
Once we get hold of the truth that life is difficult, the issue
of control takes on new meaning. How much control do we really have
over our lives? What does that control look like? Often, these are
personal questions to be wrestled with, but psychiatrists generally
tell us that an internal locus of control is necessary for healthy
mental and emotional development. That means that we need to believe
we are able to exert a certain amount of control over our lives.
This leads us to....
Tools
As parents, we can introduce a variety of tools to our children
as they grow. We exercise control over our lives and build a bright
future for ourselves to the extent that we believe such a thing
is possible. A strong grounding in the tools available to do that
will take our children a long way. Goal-setting, life planning,
self-discipline, high expectations, and spiritual development are
all effective tools that require practice and guidance to be the
life-long habits that will benefit our children the most.
The Five R's
We all know about the importance of academics in our children's
future. Reading, writing and 'rithmetic (math) along with other
academics will give our children a strong foundation for the future.
However, if we stop there we've only developed part of a human being.
Respect and responsibility go hand in hand with academics to raise
a child who is not only smart, but also able to work productively
and happily with the people around him and honestly like himself,
too.
Balance
Ideally, life shouldn't be too hard or too easy. Ideally. As parents,
we can sometimes structure the microcosm of our homes to fill out
those places our children need to work on. Appropriate challenges
are vital to growing in maturity, but the overwhelmed child stops
growing and quits. As long as your children know you are watching
over them constantly and that you genuinely care for them, they
will usually handle life's jostling amazingly well. Teach them to
study hard, work hard, play hard and rest hard.
Raising our children will always have its share of frustrating obstacles
and exhilarating peaks. It's the one job that we cannot go back
and do over, so the stakes are high.
And the rewards...fantastic!
==========================================================
Colleen Langenfeld delivers deals, tips and creative resources to
working moms who want the most out of their homes, families and
careers at www.paintedgold.com
. Sign up for our free newsletter and get an online Creativity Toolkit
as our gift to you!
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Two Choices That Can Make The Next Year The Best Year of Your Life
- By Margaret Paul, Ph.D
What if there were just two choices you could make to insure that next year would
be wonderful? There actually are, and these choices are quite simple in concept,
yet not easy to do. They are not things you do on the outside, such as exercising
your body (which is always a good thing to do!) but ways of thinking and being
on the inside. These have to do with your attitude and your intent.
GRATITUDE
I'm sure you've all heard of the "attitude of gratitude."
Studies show that the happiest and most successful people in the world are those
who consistently live their lives with an attitude of gratitude, who see their
cup as half full rather than half empty. Let's take an example.
Alan and Martin are both firemen. They are both married with children, but this
is where the similarities stop. Alan's life seems to always be filled with joy
and success, while Martin's life always seems to be in turmoil. What is the difference?
Alan is a very upbeat person who always sees the good in everything and is always
in gratitude for what he has. He is thankful for his work, his health, his family
and his friends. When difficulties arise, he faces them head-on with an attitude
of gratitude for the opportunity to learn and to help others. He believes he is
spiritually guided and accepts challenges as opportunities for learning and serving.
As a result of his openness and caring, people trust him and have come to him
with opportunities to invest his money in ways that have created a passive income
for his family. He continues to work because he likes it, not because he has to
financially.
Martin, on the other hand, is a person who is constantly complaining about everything.
Nothing is ever good enough for him. He blames others for his circumstances, takes
no responsibility for his own feelings, and has no belief that he is being spiritually
guided. He feels like a victim most of the time. As a result of the stress he
causes himself due to his negative thinking, he is often ill, and experiences
many family problems. He plods along in his work, resentful that he even has to
work. He often feels like life is passing him by.
INTENT TO LEARN
God has given is the free will to choose our intention, to choose is what is most
important to us in any given moment. In our relationship with ourselves and others,
we have only two intentions to choose from:
1) The intent to learn, with our spiritual Guidance, about what is most loving
to ourselves and others;
2) The intent to protect against the pain of rejection, abandonment, engulfment,
or failure through some form of controlling behavior.
Our intent to learn or protect determines our experience in any given moment.
Decide what the holidays are to you. Then make a plan to weave more of those activities
into your holidays, and reduce the rest.
Hilary and Alice are both married with children. Both women work as nurses, but,
as with Alan and Martin, this is where the similarity ends. Hilary and Alice have
similar life challenges in both work and family, yet to look at Hilary you would
think she doesn't have a care in the world.
Hilary embraces all of life's challenges from a solid knowing that she is on a
spiritual journey of the soul � a journey of learning to be the most loving person
she can be, both with herself and with others. She accepts responsibility for
her own feelings and behavior, and opens to learning with Spirit and others when
conflict occurs. For me, the mall is a giant energy drain. The look of worried
resignation as a shopper hands over her credit card tells me that she's shopping
out of a sense of obligation and not one of joy. And it sours my holiday spirit.
Rather than shying away from conflict, she welcomes it as an opportunity for learning
about herself and for healing any blocks to being a pure instrument of God's work
upon the planet. Hilary feels much peace and joy in her life.
Alice, on the other hand, is locked into the earthly journey of control. Instead
of learning from conflicts, she avoids them with giving herself up or getting
angry to have control over the outcome. Rather than taking responsibility for
her own feelings, she often numbs out with food and wine. Control is her God.
Alice is often anxious and depressed as a result of her intent to protect, and
is on medication to deal with the resulting anxiety and depression.
It is not life's circumstances that are causing Alan and Hilary to have so much
more peace and joy than Alice and Martin. Choosing gratitude and the intent to
learn, as opposed to complaining and the intent to protect makes all the difference
in the world.
Make this coming year the best year of your life by making these two choices �
gratitude and the intent to learn.
==========================================================
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books,
including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up
Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do
I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner
Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com
or [email protected]
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