| We agree that
the majority of domestic violence crimes are committed by males against
females and children - at the same time we also feel there is a large
population of male victims which go unrecognized, and that all men
are not abusers. |
There
Is A Way Out of Domestic Violence
Authors: Richard L. Davis and Kim Eyer, © 2001-2003
It is time we put an end
to the gender wars. Is it not time we all believe that a woman or man expect
the same opportunities for their daughters equal to that of their sons?
Gloria Steinem wrote of feminism not so many years ago about "the equality
and full humanity of women and men." This isn't a time for women's rights
or men's rights; it is a time for equal rights. We need to end the gender
battle and this is particularly true concerning the issue of domestic violence.
In this 21st century we must become more concerned with equal rights than
individual rights. Men must stop ignoring the dilemma that domestic violence
causes for so many women and children - and women must stop pointing the
finger of blame at all men. It is time for reconciliation not further confrontation.
Two recent research reports, were published by the U.S. Department of
Justice. and released in the summer and fall of 2001. One, is the Extent,
Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence and the other
is the Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of
Violence Against Women: Findings From the National Violence Against Women
Survey. They were cosponsored by the National Institute of Justice
and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. They are the results
of telephone interviews with a sample of 8,000 women and 8,000 men. The
surveys were conducted with care for eliminating gender related, socio related
and fear related biases in survey responses. They are filled with information
that should rebuke and/or dispel many of the myths, stereotypes, and misconceptions
we have about domestic violence. However, most of the information has fallen
on deaf ears. It seems women's rights groups and men's rights groups believe
they are right, are proud of it, and are not going to change their minds
regardless of the information in these reports. In fact, neither seems willing
to consider many other recent reports concerning the issue of why those
who profess love for each other continue to beat and batter each other.
We ask that you consider
the following thoughts when reading these reports and considering the
root causes of the prevalence of domestic violence in our society:
- The average individual
citizen does not understand the cycle
of violence in these relationships and does not even know what characterizes
abusive relationships;
- The average victim
does not recognize what is happening in the beginning of these relationships
and therefore becomes so involved that they lose their personal vision
and perspective;
- As a society of individuals,
too many of us turn our backs on the problem which we do not understand,
rather than become involved - and/or take up misguided "causes" in an
effort to pursue our own agendas;
- The debate of "what
the cause is" has gone on for so long that too many involved have forgotten
the purpose of doing something about the issues;
- The average individual
does not know the sheer numbers of people affected by domestic violence;
- Because of our contemporary
gender war, too many concerned and would-be-helpful people, both men
and women, will not touch the subject of domestic violence for fear
of being embroiled in the battle.
We believe that anyone
who is concerned with the issue of domestic/intimate partner violence must
read these two most recent reports. If you do not, you are doing a disservice
not only to yourself, but also to the victims and their children. We implore
you to read these reports and some others concerning the issue of domestic
violence. Then ask, without bias, if there are any issues concerning domestic
violence you should rethink. You may download these reports at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/183781.htm
or e-mail puborder@ncjrs.org
and ask for a hard copy of the reports.
In no specific order
of importance some of the findings are:
- Nearly 25 percent
of surveyed women and 7.6 percent of surveyed men said they were raped
and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting
partner, or date at some time in their lifetime.
- 1.5 percent of surveyed
women and 0.9 percent of surveyed men said they were raped and/or physically
assaulted by a partner in the previous 12 months.
- 0.5 percent of surveyed
women and 0.2 percent of surveyed men reported being stalked by such
a partner in the previous 12 months.
- Rates of intimate
partner violence vary significantly among women of diverse racial backgrounds.
However, results diminish when other sociodemographic and relationship
variables are controlled
- 41.4 percent of women
and 19.9 percent of men who were physically assaulted by an intimate
partner were injured during their most recent assault.
- Results from the
survey demonstrate that most physical assaults committed against women
and men by intimates are relatively minor and consist of pushing, grabbing,
shoving, slapping, and hitting.
- Women experience
more chronic and injurious physical assaults than men.
- There were an estimated
503,484 stalking victimizations perpetrated against women and 185,496
against men.
- 54 percent of the
men and 40 percent of the women said an adult caretaker physically assaulted
them as a child.
- Experiencing and/or
witnessing violence in one's family increase one's chances of being
a perpetrator or victim.
- Lower income women
are victims more than those with higher rates of income.
- Women with little
education are victims more than those with more education.
- Unmarried couples
are at greater risk than those who are married.
- There are strong
links between drug and alcohol use concerning injury to victims.
- Police are significantly
more likely to take a report and to arrest or detain the perpetrator
if the victim was female.
- Only [emphasis added]
7.5 percent of women who were raped and only [emphasis added] 7.3 percent
of women who were physically assaulted said that their attacker was
criminally prosecuted.
- The victims rarely
seek restraining orders as a form of early intervention but rather as
an act of desperation after they have experienced extensive problems.
- Most temporary restraining
orders are violated.
- Approximately 1.5
million women and 834,732 men are raped and/or physically assaulted
annually.
- The report estimates
that 4.5 million women and 2.9 million men are physically assaulted
annually.
This is just a small
sample of information in these reports. They must be read cover-to-cover
to be appreciated and understood. At the beginning of the Full Report
is a very revealing paragraph that reads in part: "The findings in this
report, which are based on the National Violence Against Women Survey, show
that violence is more widespread and injurious to women's and men's
[emphasis added] health than previously thought." At long last is recognition
that both women and men can be detrimentally affected by domestic
violence.
In addition to these two reports, we beseech you to visit some of the websites
by victims or survivors that are devoted to the cause of helping others
- not only other victims, but to help society/individuals in general understand
what truly leads to domestic violence; what the experience is like; and
how to recognize the downward spiral of the relationship as the abuse escalates.
It is a high credit to these individual site owners that they have tried
to tell their stories and share hard-earned wisdom.
As a reader, you must understand the treasure of the writings on these websites.
Few victims or survivors write articles, books or websites; it is
too emotionally painfully and many are too busy trying to rebuild their
lives and bring a sense of normalcy for themselves and their children. The
very few that do write choose websites because they can publish their own
work, and it takes less writing to fill a website than to write a book.
Just try to imagine putting the worst details of your life into writing,
all of the things you would rather forget and surely do not want others
to know. Then imagine conquering this obstacle in the hope of contributing
something, just anything, to change this failure in our society by putting
it in writing.
These "authors" are genuinely concerned and write from the heart like no
others, because they have lived it. You can find links to many of
these websites from the help and links section of the Rhiannon3.net website
at http://www.rhiannon3.net/help.cfm.
In their writings is a valuable resource - namely, what so many do not understand
about the issue of domestic violence and abuse. They know the truth, not
because some theory makes sense to them, but again because they have lived
it. You will find that few of these victims or survivors blame a patriarch
society, conservative male views, nor lack of women's rights. And no, it
isn't because they don't understand or have never heard these other views
and theories.
Time and again what the victims and survivors express is confusion, not
understanding what was going on in the relationship, and their noble desires
to help the abuser. Individuals currently trapped in abusive relationships
post to the message boards of these websites asking, "Here is my story,
am I in an abusive relationship?" Plain and simple, every survivor knows
what every current victim does not recognize - domestic violence
is about abusing by one party and unknowing, unseeing enabling by the victims;
regardless of gender and regardless of all the other things we would
like to blame for domestic violence.
Reams of data demonstrate that concerning violence between men and women,
in which the greater physical, emotional, and economic injuries are suffered,
women are the predominant victims and men the primary perpetrators. However,
reams of data similar to these two reports demonstrate that it is some men
and not the majority who violently assault and rape women. The majority
of the personal resource websites for domestic violence are written by surviving
women, mostly visited by women and occasionally visited by men. The surprising
fact is, you will not read these women talking negatively about men in general
- they know their abuser is only one individual, they do not blame all men.
And sadly on those which have message boards, you will find men who post
as victims and start their questions off with something like, "I am sorry
for what some men do, but I believe I am in an abusive relationship and
need help"; and these women-owned websites are receptive and helpful
to both men and women who seek their help.
So then, when are we as a society going to work on our ignorance
of issue, instead of blaming the unjustified, so called "causes" and blaming
each other in a gender war? The victims and survivors have already figured
it out - what about the rest of us, will we stand in our own way as a society
forever?
When you want to resolve a problem you do not ask half a question. If we
continue to ask only why are men violent against women, rather than what
causes this type of violent behavior in so many of our families by many
men and some women, we will continue to alienate many men and receive only
half an answer. For the safety of so many victims of domestic violence we
need to seek the truth and not to foster one side of the disputation. It
is time for both the conservatives on one side of the issue and feminists
on the other to seek the whole truth. We need to do better if we intend
to minimize the violence suffered by so many victims and their children.
It is time we begin again to answer Aristotle's ancient question, "As a
free people, how ought we order our lives together?" |
