From Shattered Innocence....
Author: Kelly Vates, © 2001

...A process also takes patience. This is something that doesn't come natural to me--I wanted to be better right now. I had been in pain long enough. Yesterday was not soon enough for me to be healed. So, I tried to fix myself in a day. I read the first chapter of The Courage To Heal by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass and finished the first 50 pages in the workbook in an hour. I was going to whiz right through recovery, or so I thought. The result of my "microwave recovery" was that I immediately fell to pieces. I had ripped scabs off scares that were so deep and so old that my "lifeblood" gushed out when they were opened up. I had no idea how to stem the tide of despair. I sat at my table unable to move, overcome with sadness and pain. I felt more hopeless than ever before. If this was recovery, I wanted out!... I decided to take a bath...a very long bath. I put on my warm pajamas and snuggle socks even though it was early evening. I made a cup of warm cocoa, curled up under a blanket, and watched Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory with my kids. ..... This is taken from my book, Shattered Innocence. My first day in recovery. (I was so uneducated!) I was 26 years old when I walked into recovery. I had spent 14 of those years fighting and enduring sexual abuse. I wanted to be better right then and now. However, that's not what recovery is about. It's a process and it takes some time and lots of hard work. In my book, Shattered Innocence, I share my walk down the path of recovery. I share my journaling, building a support system, and going through the feelings one at a time. Mostly, I pray that I share hope. When I walked into the rooms of recovery, I was searching for peace. The place where I could look back at the past and see it for what it was with no more pain attached to it. That was my goal, life without pain. I have achieved that today and I know that you can too. Be Well, Kelly Vates