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Silent Blue Tears
Author:
Nancy Truax, © 2002
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"Then
he was up and on her. One of the things she loved about him
was his athleticism, his overall quickness and speed. When
she married him she hadn't imagined that he would use it against
her…….
The
pounding lump on the back of her head breathed strength into
her body as she some how worked her way from under him. She
ran to the side door, but he followed her, grabbed her by
the uniform shirt collar, and shoved her against the corner
of a kitchen cabinet. She tried to scream in pain, but the
shove had knocked the wind out of her. She automatically brought
her hand to her lower back where she felt the slippery thickness
of her own blood trailing the crack of her butt. It was somehow
soothing, but she didn't know why. Maybe because it defined
for her the meaning of this relationship. Maybe it meant sacrifice.
Maybe it didn't mean anything and she just thought it should
mean something.
Nancy
hated him for this. Hated him for not loving her, hated him
because she didn't understand him, hated him because he wouldn't
leave her, but mostly she hated him because she never lost
hope. Hope is a bad thing sometimes because it makes you cling
onto things that maybe you should give up. It makes you stay
in places you shouldn't stay. It whispers false credos of
'better things to come', 'hold on', 'I promise', 'trust me',
'wait and see'. There are times when we have no right to hope,
but we do anyway. It's an instinct, a survival mechanism for
the eternal optimist. She didn't believe that hope was wrong;
but she believed it as wrong to always have hope."
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Copyright (c) 2002, Nancy
Truax
Comments
by Nancy Truax
Silent Blue Tears
is a true story that chronicles my twenty year career in a NH Police
Department infested with blatant and subliminal discrimination, while
simultaneously battling an abusive marriage (to another police officer).
It is an introspective look into "why stay so long?", and
"I want to get out, but how?" I talk about the emotional
damage and pain that results from both situations.
During
my tenure as a police officer I battled a continuous barrage of
verbal insults and slurs directed not only at me, but half the population;
namely, women in general. Year after year, despite my best efforts:
educational background, excellent job performance records, and seniority,
I watched as other less qualified officers were promoted over me.
What I uncovered in my search for the truth was a conspiracy, 'a
good-old-boy' network designed to keep women officers 'in their
place'. With no other recourse left, I made the painful decision
to file suit against the police department that I'd been a part
of for twenty years. 'Silent Blue Tears' takes a hard look at how
our society still views women as less than first class citizens.
It is available at BarnesandNoble.com, Amazon.com,
and Walmart.com, as well as selective book stores. I am scheduled
for a book signing at Barnes and Noble in Newington, NH on October
5, 2002 and I can be reached for private discussion at Silentblutears@aol.com.
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