Many people mistakenly believe that the term "domestic violence" only means
physical abuse or assaults. Physical abuse is only one part of a system
of abusive behaviors. The wheel of violence
is commonly used by domestic violence prevention agencies, support programs
and shelters to explain what characterizes abusive relationships. Below
is an outline of the wheel with a description of how each characteristic
is used as a way to control or gain power.
Battering and abusing is a choice. It is used to gain power and control
over another person. Abuse is never a one time event. It is actually the
use of systematic control through many methods. See the cycle
of abuse outline below to understand how the abuse is enacted and
revolves in the relationship.
The
Wheel of Violence
POWER and CONTROL - Abusers believe they have a right to control
their partners by:
- Telling them
what to do and expecting obedience
- Using force
to maintain power and control over partners
- Feeling their
partners have no right to challenge their desire for power and
control
- Feeling justified
making the victim comply
- Blaming the
abuse on the partner and not accepting responsibility for wrongful
acts.
The characteristics
shown in the wheel are examples of how this power and control are
demonstrated and enacted against the victim.
ISOLATION
- limiting outside
involvement
- making another
avoid people/friends/family by deliberately embarrassing or humiliating
them in front of others
- expecting another
to report every move and activity
- restricting
use of the car
- moving residences
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
- putting another
down/name-calling
- ignoring or
discounting activities and accomplishments
- withholding
approval or affection
- making another
feel as if they are crazy in public or through private humiliation
- unreasonable
jealousy and suspicion
- playing mind
games
ECONOMIC ABUSE
- preventing
another from getting or keeping a job
- withholding
funds
- spending family
income without consent and/or making the partner struggle to pay
bills
- not letting
someone know of or have access to family/personal income
- forcing someone
to ask for basic necessities
INTIMIDATION
- driving recklessly
to make another feel threatened or endangered
- destroying property
or cherished possessions
- making another
afraid by using looks/actions/gestures
- throwing objects
as an expression of anger to make another feel threatened
- displaying weapons
USING CHILDREN
or PETS
- threatening
to take the children away
- making the partner
feel guilty about the children
- abusing children
or pets to punish the partner
- using the children
to relay messages
USING PRIVILEDGE
- treating another
like a servant
- making all the
big decisions
- being the one
to define male and female roles
- acting like
the master or queen of the castle
SEXUAL ABUSE
- sex on demand
or sexual withholding
- physical assaults
during sexual intercourse
- spousal rapes
or non-consensual sex
- sexually degrading
language
- denying reproductive
freedom
THREATS
- threats of
violence against significant third parties
- threats to commit
physical or sexual harm
- threats to commit
property destruction
- threats to commit
suicide or murder
PHYSICAL ABUSE
- biting/scratching
- slapping/punching
- kicking/stomping
- throwing objects
at another
- locking another
in a closet or utilizing other confinement
- sleep interference
and/or deliberately exhausting the partner with unreasonable demands
and lack of rest
- deprivation
of heat or food
- shoving another
down steps or into objects
- assaults with
weapons such as knives/guns/other objects
The
Cycle of Abuse
There are four typical stages including:
TENSION BUILDING - Tension starts and steadily builds
- Abuser starts
to get angry
- Communication
breaks down
- Victim feels
the need to concede to the abuser
- Tension becomes
too much
- Victim feels
uneasy and a need to watch every move
INCIDENT or "Acting
Out" phase
- Any type of
abuse occurs
- Physical
- Sexual
- Emotional
- Or other abuses
in the wheel above
HONEYMOON or Reconciliation
phase
- Abuser apologizes
for abuse, some beg forgiveness or show sorrows
- Abuser may promise
it will never happen again
- Blames victim
for provoking the abuse or denies abuse occurred
- Minimizing,
denying or claiming the abuse wasn't as bad as victim claims
CALM before the
tension starts again
- Abuses slow
or stop
- Abuser acts
like the abuse never happened
- Promises made
during honeymoon stage may be met
- Abuser may give
gifts to victim
- Victim believes
or wants to believe the abuse is over or the abuser will change
This cycle is different
in each abusive relationship. In some cases a relationship may take
hours or up to a week to complete the cycle. For other relationships,
it may take a month, or it may even take a year or more for a relationship
to complete the cycle. As the relationship continues, the Calm and
Honeymoon stages may even disappear. It is important to note that
not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Usually the
cycle is completed faster as the relationship progresses - meaning
the quiet and loving times are less frequent and the abuse returns
more rapidly and lasts longer. Over time, serious injuries to the
victim will often escalate as well as the frequency of the abuses
and battering.
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